How Close is Close Enough
by audeamuscaedere
Summary: For the first time in four years, Matt is exactly where he wants to be. MattMello.


**A/N:** This is my first completed Death Note fic.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note or anything it encompasses.

**Title: **How Close Is Close Enough

**Summary:** For the first time in four years, Matt is exactly where he wants to be.

**Warnings:** Boy love, implied sex

* * *

When Matt gets a note from the bartender stuck to the bottom of his glass, he knows who it's from. And of all things to do, he nods. Because he understands. In that twisted sort of way, Matt knows it. It's not something that he particularly wants to entertain, since this is Mello, and anything to do with him correlates to a whole new breed of dangerous.

Matt's done the math on numerous occasions, even on the simple thought of Mello finding his way back to him. It scares him but excites him all the same. Because staying with Mello changes everything. Like being thrown into a playing field that exceeds everything Matt has have ever known.

And that's what Matt needs, something so tangible that it could destroy him.

--

When Mello's voice is on the other end of the line, Matt drops his phone. Simply because it's been four years since he's seen or heard from the bastard, and because it's _Mello_ and the name is reason enough.

After he regains his grip, Matt sets the phone gently by his ear, as if it would break, as if handling the physical as gently as he would the situation would fix the mess he's in.

He breathes, "Hello?"

--

From then on out its skin on skin. Matt can't remember exactly how it plays out, but all he knows is that it's been four years and Mello is still the same kid from way back when, aside from a few scars and a scary look in his eyes that makes Matt want to know what happened in the time they have been apart.

But then Matt remembers where he is, and decides that he can ask in the morning.

--

When Matt wakes up, the light is streaming through the window. He looks around and finds the bed empty.

Mello's disappeared.

From here, he's in panic. Because he just got Mello back and it's not fair if he lost him again. He runs out of the room, pointedly ignoring the fact that he's only in his boxers, and that it's 56 degrees out.

When Matt checks the kitchen he finds Mello lurking through the cupboards with no idea what he's doing. Mello has a frown on his face indicating that he can't find what he's been looking for.

This is the point where Matt can breathe again.

And before he can stop himself, the words are out of his throat. "I thought you left."

Mello stares, not saying word. He turns back to the cupboard. "Why would I?"

Matt stays quiet. It's obvious, what he means. Because silence speaks volumes. And Matt's not about to speak about the past.

He shakes his head, "Never mind, the point is that you're here."

Mello's head ducks out of the cupboard, his hands against the table top. His expression hard and twisted like nothing Matt has ever seen. He breathes out. "You're an idiot."

After that, Mello leaves.

--

Matt doesn't see Mello for days, days that become weeks. He doesn't look for him. Matt has known for years that if Mello doesn't want to be found, then he won't.

This is the second time, Matt realizes, that Mello has left him. And even if the timing is different, the sentiment is all the same.

--

It's been over a month when the door knocks. Matt rolls his eyes and doesn't bother getting up, because the only people who know where he lives is the mail man or door-to-door salesmen, and the only time they come around is in the late afternoons. Matt looks out the window, seeing the moon shining steadily in the night sky, highlighting the edges of the streets.

The knock is sharp and loud the second time round. And this time Matt bothers to answer.

When the door swings open, Mello is standing there, weak and barely standing. His hand is on his stomach and he's bleeding.

For a split second Matt stares, because this can't be happening. It's too surreal. But then he's awake and alert, and there's this smell of burning that he wishes would go away, but mostly because Mello can't die.

--

When Matt's breathing goes back to normal, Mello is laid on the couch, asleep, his burns covered in bandages and with all the meds that Matt could get his hands on spread all across the coffee table.

Matt can't sleep in fear of Mello dying. Instead he stays next to Mello the whole night through.

--

When Mello wakes up he's alone. His whole body hurts and he can smell the ash on his skin. He grimaces when he remembers what happened. Between the flashes of Rod dying, the Death Note and blowing up the whole building with himself in it; Mello knows it all, and he doesn't regret it.

It takes a moment for him to remember where he is, but when he does he's up in an instant, stubbornly moving his injured body through the apartment to find Matt. Because there's been something left long overdue.

He finds Matt outside on the balcony, a packet of cigarette beside him, unopened. And for that, Mello is grateful, because he's been around enough smoke that it's sunk into his skin.

He clears his throat, his hands gripping along the sliding door for a handle, his legs still weak and he inwardly hates himself for it.

Matt spins around, facing him, his eyes hazy and sleepless. And Mello instantly feels bad because he realizes that he's just dragged Matt into this. The fight. The race. The revenge.

"Matt, I--"

Matt holds a hand up and Mello's words die on his tongue. He steps closer, til he's right in front of Mello. And there's barely space between them.

He makes a small smile, "I'm glad you're okay."

Mello swallows, because he has to say this. Even if he can't. "I'm sorry." He apologizes, for leaving, for coming back, for being an idiot, for fighting, for being stubborn, but most importantly, for bringing in Matt into all of this.

Mello doesn't cry. It's never been something that's he's done, even when his parents died, even when he came to Wammy's or even when they took away his name. Even at this moment, even when he's losing it all, he won't cry, because that's weakness. And weakness is something he strives not to have.

Matt stands still, letting Mello speak, because he knows this will be the last time they speak about this. Because from now it will go back to what brought them here in the first place, even if neither of them will want to admit it.

He stays quiet when he grabs Mello's hand, sliding it into his, as if it was made for it. Mello stops rambling, lifting his eyes to finally meet with Matt's. Their fingers intertwined.

And from here, it's okay. With the sunlight falling into a dim glow as the sun sets, painting a spread of reds, purples and oranges across the sky. They can breathe.

And even though the fight isn't really over, Matt is fine. Because for the first time in four years, Matt is exactly where he wants to be.

* * *

**  
A/N:** Reviews or concrit is appreciated.


End file.
